"We Have Just Recieved a Package Don." Says Murphy.
"Good, do the usual." Don Replies as he spins around 180 degrees in his chair.
Don Looks Out the HQ Window to See Murphy running a metal detector, then having bomb dogs sniff the package over. About 3 minutes Later Murphy Gives The All clear sign.
"Here is your package don." Mentions murphy. He Lightly sits the package down and leaves.
As Don Opens The Package, He turns his head.
"Hey Giovanni, Go take out the assasins will ya."
"Sure Thing Boss." Giovanni Is walking out, as he leaves, you hear 4 gunshots. Edd Turns To Look Out The Window. Sure Enough, three masked figures lay in the road.
**Donnie Walks In**
"Boss. Giovanni Is Down!"
"Bury Him, and bring the others to the examination room. i Will Meet you there."
**Changes To Dull Gray Medical Room**
"It Seems All Three Of These Were Shot by the same gun that killed Giovanni." Says Zodiak.
*Edd removes the hoods from the figures.*
"We Can Rule Out The Sentinel For Killing Gio, they just lost copper, chloe, and havok.
**Edd Walks Out*
*Gunshot heard* *Glass Shatters*
"Zodiak Hurry, we have a man down!"
To Be Continued...
First Fanfic....What You Guys Think?
**Scene changes to an operating room.**
"Edd, Wake Up!" Zodiak Yells.
*Edd Sits Up Straight*
He Notices He has stitches al over his arms and in his head.
"Hey You Three, Get Over Here" Edd Commands.
*In from the shadows walks in Donnie, Murphy, and Simon*
Simon Adds In, "Hey, well if we compare our enemies to the natural enemies of the sentinels, we will discover who was able to kill all four so quickly."
Don Walks In and Says, "Hey, Fabio, get over here." *Fabio Walks Over*
"Go Burn Down The Piranas Ship. Its my first guess."
**Scene changes to piranas ship**
*guns blaring. cannon fire. swords slicing*
The Montanas are invading the ship. The Battle is getting underway. Don notices someone on the tall building about a hundred feet west.
The Montanas make it maybe 30 feet when the piranas ship barely blows up."WHERES FABIO!"yells Don!
"Im Afraid he didnt make it out sir" replied simon.
*scene changes to underground base.*
Who Would Kill Both Montanas AND Piranas.
*Sents break in to underground base*
"youre Under Arrest Vickie, for the murder of chloe, havok, and copper" said Dayton and copper in unison.
"Hold Fire" Don says.
What will happen to vickie? Whos the one killing everyone? Find out (maybe) (or not) on the next part of...
Montanas Secret Dealings!
to be continued...
"How are you here copper, you died yesterday?" Asked Don.
"Ha, that was my doppeganger." Replied Copper.
"Youre Charging us for murdering you?"
"No, Because My Doppleganger was Coby, a sad death."
*Vickie punches both guys in their kahones.*
"FIRE!" Yells Don, but before anyone could even shoot, a bullet was straight through both the sentinels' heads.
Out From the shadows walks fifty, with full body armor and a rocket launcher in hand.
...To Be Continued.
yea it was a short part...dont feel like wriitng no more.
Ok that does answer my question from the critique I sent you. Don't you think Copper and especally Dayton (who is his partner) would be a lot more upset about Coby's death? There just doesn't seem to be much concern about it other than it's "a sad death."
I'll admit having the attackers be the Bangers is a nice twist but please at least put the story on Word so the grammatical errors can be fixed and work on your dialoge.