The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
A man suspects his wife is cheating on him, so he decides to go to a pet shop, buy a parrot and use him to discover if she is doing it or not.
When he gets to the pet shop, the seller tells him that he has a parrot that can speak 7 languages fluently and can see if his wife is indeed cheating on him and then tell him when he comes back home, but the price is 20000€. The man says that it is too expensive and asks if there is any other parrot.
The seller procedes to try to sell him a parrot that speaks fluently 5 languages and can do the same, but only has one leg and costs 10000€. Again, the man says it is to expensive.
Finally the seller tells the man that he has one last parrot that only speaks one language fluently, but unfortunatelly has no legs. So the way that he remains standing up in his bird cage is by rolling its penis around the perch, like a hose. This bird costed only 20€ so the man decides to take him.
He leaves the parrot in the house and gives him te instructions. He says "Parrot, i want you to be on the lookout and find out if my wife comes in here and has sex with a different man!". The parrot agrees and so the man leaves to work.
When he comes back at the end of the day he asks the parrot: "So, anything happened??".
The parrot tells him "Well, i have some news for you. Your wife came into the house with another man"
"And then what happened?" asked the man.
"Well, then he started to get really close to her..."
"And then what??"
"Well, then she began to unbutton her shirt..."
"And then what???"
"Well, she took of her shirt..."
"And then what?!?!?"
"Well, then she took of her skirt..."
"And then what?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"Well, then she took off her bra...."
"AND THEN WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"Well, after that i don't know. I fell off the perch."